Introducing A Brand New Blog:  From the creator of Join Martin comes, Feel Good About Yourself, a blog dedicated to helping people take back the choice about how they feel about themselves. Are you ready to stop comparing yourself to others? Are you ready to release yourself from low self esteem and low self confidence? What happens when you imagine feeling good about yourself right now?

Visit www.feelgoodaboutyourself.wordpress.com and discover how to improve your self esteem and confidence.

Photo copyright Joseph Clough 2010.

Reviews of some of the products featured in this interview will be appearing on this site soon.

When you want to make positive changes in your life it can be difficult to know where to start. In the first of a series of remarkable interviews with top therapists, hypnotherapists, trainers and coaches who will help you to transform your life, Marty Drury meets: Joseph Clough.

Hi Joseph, would you like to introduce yourself and tell the readers about what you do?

Sure, I use Hypnosis, NLP and my own processes in my Hypnosis Audio CDs and MP3s (for more info, visit:http://www.josephclough.com) to resolve a variety of psychological and emotional issues. I teach the unconscious and conscious mind to let go of issues and help people get the happiness we all deserve in life.

One of the therapeutic techniques you employ in your recordings, consultations etc is NLP. What is NLP and how can it be used to make positive changes?

NLP was formulated from hypnosis and psychotherapy, and to me it’s like the manual for the mind. It makes big, powerful changes at an unconscious level and gets you back in control of your thoughts, beliefs, feelings and behaviours. On a personal level, NLP has changed me from a young guy will low self-esteem to a confident person who knows his potential. 

You have a video on your Youtube Channel of your appearance on ITV’s Tonight Programme. In that programme, you helped people overcome phobias in minutes. Can positive changes really be made that quickly and easily or is positive change a long-term process?

Absolutely, it takes a couple of components, the first one is: wanting to change, and the second is: finding the right person to help you. I believe every problem we have in our lives, no matter how bad we perceive it has a positive intent. A phobia is trying to protect us but in an overwhelming way. If we can re-teach and re-educate the mind to be safer without the issue it will jump at the chance. Long term changes can be made very quickly.

You’re on record saying that “goal setting” doesn’t work. Could you explain what you mean by that?

Yes I did say that didn’t I? It’s not quite that goal setting doesn’t work, but it needs to be done with other processes. We’ve all set a goal in our life and realised months later that we haven’t achieved it – but why? I always suggest having a peer group to keep you accountable for your goals, so that you make sure you take responsibility for those goals and take massive and inspired action to achieve them. 

Richard Bandler talks about a powerful tool for positive change being the ability to let go of the beliefs we have about ourselves and what is possible in our lives. What’s your view on this? Are we held back too often by limiting beliefs? Is it important to choose to generate positive beliefs?

Beliefs make up our reality. If you have a belief of not feeling good enough then the world will seem like a hard place to live in. However, if someone feels 100% worthy it’s a whole new world that they see.

It’s the same for beliefs about money, relationships, health and everything.  It’s the same world, but just one belief changes our perception of the world entirely. We ‘buy’ into too many beliefs as a society: that we must be a certain way, look a certain way etc and it’s all out of proportion. I feel we can lose touch with what is really true and that is that we have a right to feel worthy, abundant, happy and content. You said the word ‘choose’ to generate positives beliefs. That’s fantastic and very true because many people think they are stuck with them but 100% we choose our beliefs and we can begin to “un-choose” beliefs or create new ones when we decide to.

You have a wide range of products dedicated to dealing with specific issues. I’ve had a chance to listen to a number of your products and you have a very detailed approach to each issue. How does the process of creating a new product work? Do you do research? Do you talk to people currently experiencing the problem that the product will be designed to tackle? Do you add in your own experiences of the problem?

There is quite a bit of research but, to be honest, I’ve been working as a hypnotherapist since I was 18 and over that time I’ve worked with almost every issue I can think of a few hundred times and they follow a similar strategy. I try on the issue myself and find the strategy for it and then decode it into a healthy set of beliefs, resources and behaviours to make the change. When it comes to the titles such as confidence, dating confidence, anxiety, self consciousness I did have those issues and overcame them all. So it would be hard to say I didn’t add my own solutions to the titles because I did.

 Many people I know suffer from anxiety. How can you help them?

Anxiety is a warning system from the mind to focus on what you want. When you think about it, anxiety is the behaviour of seeing the future going wrong, or not how you would like it to be. When we get that signal, we should become conscious of it and then release ‘oh no its time to flip things around and focus on what I want’. When you do this you interrupt the strategy and develop a new strategy in creating a compelling future.

One of your newer titles is ‘Overcome You Social Phobia’. Why did you decide to create this recording and how can it help those who suffer from Social Phobia?

I chose to record the Overcome Your Social Phobia hypnosis track because I’ve noticed a huge rise and demand for it. As I said early about society, we are putting too much pressure on ourselves and thinking people think certain things toward us when in ‘reality’ they don’t. Because it can become a vicious cycle I want to put a stop to it and get people back on track in feeling confident in social situations.

A lot of people who suffer from anxiety are at school or at university or in some other environment where they have to do presentations or run meetings. Can you help them and what advice would you give to someone who had to give a presentation but felt anxious about the prospect and lacked confidence?

When it comes to presentations and meetings the number one thing is : preparation. Know your stuff and get a plan together, preferably a mind map to give you pointers and visual recall. Rehearse the meeting/presentation and then visually imagine seeing yourself do it successfully (I suggest as you go to sleep so your unconscious mind can find the resources you need), this will send the signal to the unconscious of how you want to be and then it will recreate it at the time.

I’d like to talk to you about a title of yours that I’ve been enjoying at the moment: ‘Gain Dating Confidence’ (for men). Why did you decide to create this title?

Well as I said earlier, I had dating issues and I have researched deeply into ‘understanding’ women and have found what I believe to be the formula. After all attraction isn’t a conscious choice, it’s unconscious. So with my own learning’s and research I put it altogether as a package and have had phenomenal feedback ever since. It’s really about re-educating men to become a man whilst being authentic without rubbish lines. When you manage your emotional state, project the right energy and feel comfortable being you, you tap into the unconscious and conscious of women to develop real natural attraction.

One of the things that impresses me about this title is the spin you put on rejection. The idea that you can, sometimes, enjoy being turned down as it moves you closer to a “yes” and that rejection doesn’t mean failure. Why is fear of rejection such a powerful thing when it comes to dating confidence? How can men deal with their fear of rejection?

My own perspective is that men are the “approachers” more often than not and women are more of the choosers so that inevitably leads to situations of so called ‘rejection’.

Firstly men usually defeat themselves before they start by seeing themselves get rejected in their mind. This creates anxiety and failure to impress. Rejection is a hard thing to take if you take it personally, as it says your identity is not good enough. However many people forget that rejection, doesn’t exist unless you make it so. There is no such thing as failure just learning’s and feedback. When it comes to relationships we are selling ourselves to someone else. If you were a salesman you wouldn’t feel too disheartened if you didn’t make the sale. Instead, you would keep going and going until you get the sale.

It’s the same with relationships. You’re not going to meet someone who is the ‘one’ the first time you approach someone. It’s a numbers game and you’re putting yourself out there to be seen, to learn and to develop authenticity when speaking to women. There’s no need to put pressure on yourself. Approach women because you want to make friends and have a good, enjoyable conversation without any end outcome. Forget the end outcome and enjoy being you. That way there is no rejection.

One of the things that a lot of people worry about is whether positive changes will last or not. For example, I’ve listened to the ‘Gain Dating Confidence’ title for a week now and I have an increased level of confidence when talking to women. But how do I stop myself from going back to the old ways that really weren’t working for me? How do I make sure these positive changes last?

Continue listening to the cd/downloads until the new beliefs, resources and behaviours become unconscious. Keep listening until the beliefs, resources and behaviours are habitual and you’ve overridden the old habits that didn’t work for you. It’s less about letting go of behaviours and more about learning to be better which your unconscious mind loves. You’re an evolving person and, once the positive beliefs, resources and behaviours have become unconscious processes, you won’t go back to the old ways that weren’t working for you.

Two other titles of yours that caught my eye are ‘Overcome Self Consciousness’ and ‘Overcome Shyness’. A lot of people I’ve spoken to believe themselves to be “shy people”. They see themselves as always having been that way and always being that way, even though they don’t want to be shy in all situations. Can a “shy person” change themselves (if they wanted to) into a more outgoing person who isn’t held back by shyness?

Yes, absolutely. I was once that shy, self conscious guy and I turned things around. When we make a decision to change and commit to making a development within ourselves we once again evolve to our potential. As you said, they believe and it’s only a belief. Once you change a belief, you see the world differently and you react differently. Shyness is a self made illusion from past experiences. When we lift the veil we see ourselves with unlimited confidence and potential

 On the 8^th of January, I had a bad fall on a patch of ice and broke my left elbow. I had to be in plaster for five weeks and spent a lot of time in pain. They removed the plaster in February but my left arm was stiff and there was a lot swelling around the elbow. For a week or so, I was forced to cradle my left arm across my chest. Going out on a Saturday night in a busy city centre like that made me feel very self-conscious. Can your ‘Overcome Self Consciousness’ title help me and others who, for whatever reason, have become self-conscious?

Sure, self consciousness is a learnt habit. We can unlearn and let go of those thoughts about ourselves or whatever we think people think about us. When we resolve the issue we see the truth about ourselves and physiologically we hold ourselves differently too. I used to think in a self-conscious way and then I thought: “who really cares?  Am I that important that everyone is going to judge me, that’s a little bit egotistical’ and then ‘if they do care…. so what? It’s not my problem, why take the once again egotistical viewpoint that I should care about other people’s issues? It’s their issue if they have a problem”.  

A lot of people believe that they are stuck with their low levels of self-esteem, confidence and distorted self-image because they experienced negative things in their childhood. Richard Bandler is on record as saying: ‘It’s never too late to have a happy childhood’. Would you agree with this? Is it possible to make fundamental positive changes in your life at any point in your life?

Our past is simply the past and we see it how we choose to see it. We can release negative attachments and associations around memories so they do not hold us back. We can learn that there’s no need to hold onto negative attachments or emotional baggage from past experiences.  On my seminars, we release emotions which have been around for years like: anger, sadness, fear, guilt and hurt. Your body keeps those emotions for protection, but if we learn from the past the body automatically lets go of the emotions. We may not have the power to change the reality of the past but we can change how we perceive and feel about it.

In addition to your product range you run courses and seminars. Could you tell us about those courses and seminars?

I run weekend seminars called ‘Reclaim Your Destiny’ we release negative emotions once And for all, take charge of your own destiny, release limiting thoughts. Such as… “I have low self-esteem …” “I’m not good enough…” “I can’t have a great relationship …” “It’s hard to make money …” and develop core beliefs that serve you to name a few things.  I’m running one of these seminars for charity on the 17^th and 18^th of April.

I also run accredited certification training in NLP, Hypnosis, Time Line Therapy (TM) and coaching to those who want to become practitioners, therapists, coaches or just want to take their personal development to the next level.

Thank you for your time, Joseph. Finally, if someone wants to make positive changes in their life, what should be their first step?

First of all go to http://www.josephclough.com and sign up to my newsletter to receive free hypnosis products, e-books created by myself or even purchase an MP3 download or CD to get rid of any issue you wish.

Or take a look at my training site www.josephcloughtrainings.co.uk

Your looks are just one part of you. A tiny speck of paint on the beautiful canvass on which you sketch yourself and display the results to the waiting world. That said, everyone deserves to have confidence in their looks. Everyone deserves the opportunity to recognise their beauty. We’re not talking about looking at people and judging them based on some nonsense paragon suggested to us all by the media or by those pretending to speak for society. This is about recognising the truth of beauty. Or, at least, the truth of one kind of beauty.

There is no standard, universally acknowledged and accepted definition of what is and what is not “good looking”. I am going to make a bold statement here and nail my colours to the mast: every single person out there is “good looking”. “Ugly” is an illusion. Your looks are not the full story of you and they are not the most important part of you either. But you can go ahead and have confidence in your appearance. You can go ahead and think of yourself as good looking. Because you are. There is tremendous power in that “I’m good enough” feeling.

Never mind what other people say. Never mind the opinions of others. Make the choice about how you think and feel about yourself. You’re good looking. Doesn’t matter what size, shape, figure, colour or creed you are. You’re good looking. You can have confidence in yourself and be happy with yourself and still move forward and make positive changes in your life.

The media has spoken. The fashion industry has spoken. The bullies in the school playground have spoken. They’ve all had their say. But the Beholder is back and beauty is most certainly in the eye of the beholder.

The sexiest thing about a person will always be their personality and you need so much more than looks to be a beautiful person in the full sense of the term. But you can go ahead and embrace the truth that you’re a good-looking person. Embrace that truth and move forward with your life.

Cenedl heb iaith, cenedl heb galon.

According to this article from the BBC News website, Wales is seen as “slightly old fashioned” by potential visitors to the country. Some people apparently view the Welsh as “unfriendly” whilst others, particularly in England, say they felt or might feel excluded by the Welsh language. My new home city, Cardiff, comes in for a bit of kicking in these research findings too with it being described as: “ a city like any other” and “at worse, a bit rough”. Whilst it is made clear that these findings are the result of research targeting people who “don’t know much about Wales”, one should never underestimate the power of stereotypes. As an Englishman (well, technically speaking, I’m a Celtic/English hybrid) who came to Wales once, left and came back again, I thought I’d give my perspective on the perception of Wales and the reality of Wales.

I used to be a regular on the direct train journey from Bangor, North Wales to Birmingham New Street. From university to my Mum and Dad’s house and back again. I used to joke that you could tell when you got to England when you were on that train journey because everything outside the train window became this mass of concrete nonsense and everybody stopped talking to you like you were a human being. The perception that the Welsh are unfriendly sticks in the throat a bit because, from my experience, I know them to be one of the friendliest peoples in the world.

Ok, ok, so being crammed into Revolution last Saturday night with so many people that bumps and scrapes were an inevitability and a fight for oxygen was sure to break out any minute was an “interesting” experience for someone who is relatively new to the whole clubbing thing in the first place. But even in such a place at such a time of night and under such an influence of alcohol, people were still friendly. Victorious New Zealand fans mixed well with their Welsh counterparts and- though he may well kill me for saying this- one of my friends even got a peck on the cheek in a slightly bizarre incident where he moved back to help someone get passed.

I once reassured an Irish woman that I didn’t think that Ireland was like a Father Ted episode and I’d like to reassure those who read this that I don’t entertain clichés about Wales or any other country. I cannot, of course, speak for every Welsh person in Wales or outside Wales. But, from my personal experience of 3 years in North Wales and nearly 6 months in South Wales, I have to say I am touched by the friendship, compassion, understanding and love shown by the Welsh people to their country, to other people and to other countries.

I am also puzzled as to how anyone could feel excluded by the Welsh language. Oh beautiful tongue that art the song of the dragon’s breath. A lot of people asked me during the language learning challenge why I was bothering to learn Welsh, Scots Gaelic, Irish, Cornish and Manx. Surely French or Spanish would be more useful? And besides, I’m English, why was I bothering to learn any languages at all? My reply is now so well trodden by my pen that I am considering putting it on a T-Shirt: I am English but I do not acknowledge the supremacy of my native tongue.

Thinking that I should automatically be understood as a result of the rise and fall of the British Empire’s influence on the world and the fact that blood has been spilled in the advancement of my language is a foundation stone of racism. There is such danger in such thinking. The number of people who speak Welsh does vary depending upon which part of Wales you happen to be in. But one fact worth considering is that native Welsh speakers also speak English. They are prepared to put in the effort to speak English and yet some of us in England have the audacity to sit there and complain about being excluded by the Welsh language. Here’s an idea if you feel excluded by the Welsh language: go and learn it.

Let’s turn to Cardiff, my beloved new home city. It’s not a city like any other. It’s a capital that can hold it’s own with London, Edinburgh and Belfast. I can remember my rushed exit from the West Midlands. All I had was a suitcase and a laptop bag and a vague idea of where I was headed. Running, yes, running. But running more towards a better future than away from a darkened past. In a way that I’m not sure any of my new friends would grasp if I told them, I’d been renewed as a person before leaving for Cardiff and the whole Cardiff plan was basically a random plan made by my new self. So many changes following on from one another.

I slept on my sister’s floor in Hereford one night and headed to the train station the next morning. Full of excitement and anticipation but also nerves. I looked out the window as soon as the train pulled into the station. My instincts were running the show as I’d handed power to them but I couldn’t hear them at that moment. Too little to go on. All I had to go on as far as Cardiff was concerned was glimpses of visits made as part of a long distance relationship and one hospital visit to see my Uncle. I got off the train and did what I always do. I walked around randomly to get an idea of the place. I had to see the bay. People reading this might think I’m nuts but I had to see the bay. Give me anything with water. So long ago, when bad things surrounded me, I found delight in playing with water and that delight has never left me.

Instead of doing the sensible thing and getting the bus or the train, I decided to hop on the sightseeing bus that happened to be parked outside the castle. So, after an early start and a train journey, I ended up sat on an open top bus in the rain. I can remember sitting on that bus and seeing what was around me as the bus drove along. And I said the word: “home”. Because it felt right to say it there and then.

What’s in Cardiff? Everything’s in Cardiff. Culture, music, art, history, politics, pubs, clubs, restaurants, amazing people, beautiful surroundings, beautiful parks, sporting venues, hidden gems…there’s always something going on.

I might get seriously irritated by the whole “isn’t the Welsh/Scottish accent sexy” business that sometimes goes on in this city because it indirectly implies that there isn’t much sexy about English people and their accents, but I love living in the capital city of a proud, gracious nation that looks forward to the future whilst showing genuine respect, passion and love for its heritage. I mean, for goodness sake, they have Land Of My Fathers whilst England is stuck with a boring expression of archaic subservience to a royalist cause.

Before anyone starts, I know this article is unintentionally ironic. I’m complaining about people criticising Wales whilst throwing pot shots at England. But, if you look closely, I’ve qualified myself. I’ve made it clear that this is just my opinion and worth no more or less than that and, unlike the people asked in the research about Wales, I speak from experience about both England and Wales because I have actually been to those two places. That said, I am- mostly- English. Long may the rose stand with the dragon.

That which is described in the article has been going on in her life and yet, Kelly has always found the time to chat to me every time I’ve come up with yet another silly little thing that’s been going on in my life that I’ve probably blown out of all proportion. She’s busy with work, parenting and other stuff and yet she still finds the time to help me and countless other people who come to her for advice. I’m not just proud to know her. I’m blessed by her friendship. I’ve tried twice to write a comment on the Daily Mail website but, for whatever reason, it isn’t working so I thought I’d use my blog to make my point.

Photo Copyright Rin Simpson 2009.

Her popular blog A Year ‘Til I’m Thirty shows you just what can be achieved in one year. One year. Many challenges. One inspirational woman. Marty Meets: Rin Simpson.

Why did you decide to start a blog?

I’d been thinking for a while that I’d enjoy writing a blog, since I’m a serial journal keeper, but didn’t want to just ramble. It was only as I was approaching my 29^th birthday, and thinking about all the things that I wanted to achieve before the big 3-0, that I realised my last year as a 20-something could make for an interesting blog topic. And what better way of motivating myself to actually do the things I wanted to do, than sharing my goals with an audience?

What are or were (if you’ve already achieved them) some of the things you’d like to achieve by the time you turn 30?

It’s a really random list which runs from small, easily achieved goals like baking a pie in my as yet untouched Pampered Chef pie dish (still haven’t done that one!) to getting published in a national newspaper (something I achieved just a fortnight ago, when my first, albeit anonymous, article appeared in the Guardian). Other things I’ve ticked off include completing a teaching course, knitting a jumper, and seeing the balloons take off at 6am at the Bristol Balloon Fiesta – but I’ve still got loads to do, like cycling from Bristol to Bath and cooking a three course meal for my whole family.

Are the things you want to achieve before you turn 30 recent goals or are some of them lifelong ambitions?

Getting published in a national was a pretty long standing goal, as are a few of the other, but others are more recent. I think the very act of writing down my goals made me realise how many more I had that I hadn’t even realised – and I seem to be adding to the list all the time!

A lot of people have goals they’d love to achieve but, for whatever reason, they just don’t “get round to it”. What advice would you give to someone who wants to achieve a goal or ambition but doesn’t know where to start?

Put a date in your diary. Honestly, it’s the only way you’ll do it. It could be that you need to block out just one Saturday afternoon to actually get yourself to that museum you’ve always wanted to visit, or maybe you need to pencil in half an hour each morning to train for the marathon you keep saying you’ll run. Whatever the case, having it there in black and white is a great motivator.

Is planning important? Is it important to make lists and write your goals down on paper?

I would say definitely, but then I’m a visual learner (something I learned about myself on my teaching course!) Not only will it help you stay focused, and not let you forget anything, but there’s something incredibly satisfying about seeing items on the list get gradually crossed off. Whether you prefer pen and paper, like me, or an electronic version, I would definitely recommend making lists.

It’s August and, once again, the promised barbeque summer has materialised as a monsoon (well, it has here in Cardiff anyway). How are things progressing? Have you had any major successes you’d like to share? Have you achieved many of your goals so far?

The most exciting thing I’d like to share is that, after writing fiction for about 25 years but being too scared to let anyone other than close friend and family see it, I finally sent in a short story for publication – and had it accepted! I just cannot believe that the first thing I submitted is now going to be published. It’ll be out in January – just in time for my birthday in February – in an anthology of fashion related stories called Cut on the Bias, which is being published by a Welsh women’s press called Honno.

Have any of your goals proved more difficult to achieve than you had previously expected?

Probably those that involve other people. It’s all very well motivating yourself, but motivating other people can be a nightmare. I want to go ice skating at one of the outdoor rinks at Christmas, for example, something which should be simple, but I know it will prove a lot more complicated than some of the goals which I can get on with quietly without any input from anyone else.

Achieving just one goal takes a huge amount of confidence, tenacity, motivation and inspiration. Who or what motivates you and who or what inspires you?

Different things motivate different goals. Sometimes it’s people (cooking a three course meal for my family, for example, is less about achieving culinary greatness than blessing my family), other times it’s curiosity (I really want to know what my Austrian great grandfather’s letters to my grandmother say, something I’ll never know until I get them translated). But mostly I guess it’s just a quirk of my personality – I like to achieve. It makes me happy.

Would you agree with the statement that, in terms of achieving goals: talent is nothing without tenacity?

Definitely. The world is full of talented people, so why should anyone pay attention to you? You can’t wait for things to happen to you, you have to make them happen, and you have to keep persevering until you reach your goal.

My challenge brought me many unexpected rewards: I can order a pint of beer in Cornish and I got to meet a few of my heroes. Has trying to achieve any of your goals led to any unexpected rewards and/or unexpected positive things being added to your life?

I think what I hadn’t expected was the overall change it has caused in me as a person. I’ve always been a real dreamer – full of ideas but pretty lazy – but that’s started to change now, and I’m starting to get off my backside and do more. Which was the whole point of the exercise really, so I’m glad it’s working!

Can you speak any foreign languages?

I’m not fluent in any one language, because I’ve never really tried hard enough, but I can speak little bits (literally the ‘hello, how are you, my name is’ stuff) of a few obscure ones – German, Afrikaans, Xhosa and Japanese. Oh, and British Sign Language. I can also say ‘where’s the party?’ in Spanish, on account of one very cool holiday in the Dominican Republic a few years back!

What do you think of my language learning challenge and blog?

It’s a great idea. People think that there’s no point in learning a language unless you go the whole hog and get fluent, but I think we need to change the reputation Brits have for steadfastly refusing to learn any language other than our own. Even if you only learn how to say please and thank you, or to ask for directions, it shows willing – and you might discover you want to learn more.

Do you think it is important that all of us celebrate the things we achieve in life (no matter how small the achievement)? If you do, why?

Absolutely. Who’s to say someone’s ‘big’ achievement is any more important than someone else’s ‘small’ one? Also, if you don’t encourage yourself the small achievements, how will you ever have enough enthusiasm or belief in yourself to reach the big ones? Remember, they didn’t think ‘hm, let’s put a man on the moon’ and then do it the next day.

Finally, the recession seems to be impacting on a lot on people’s lives. One of the main things that hold people back from achieving their goals is money. Any tips for making positive changes to your life when you’re on a budget?

Actually, I’ve recently gone through a break up which means my finances are well short of what they were when I started my blog, and if anything the lack of funds has encouraged me. Where I used to eat out, I’m trying more recipes at home. Where I would have spent a fortune on Christmas presents, I’m now making my own. There is absolutely nothing that can stand in your way if you really want to achieve, so don’t let a little thing like a tight budget get in your way.

FOLLOW RIN’S PROGRESS BY VISITING HER BLOG:

A YEAR ‘TIL I’M THIRTY

Image Copyright Amnesty International 2009.